


I'll Be Needing Stitches

by FreakingWildfire



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Immortality, M/M, Malec, Pain, mortaliy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-04
Updated: 2016-05-04
Packaged: 2018-06-06 07:59:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6745912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FreakingWildfire/pseuds/FreakingWildfire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Magnus is hellbent on finding a way to make Alec stay by his side but, in his effort to figure out how to make him immortal, he loses track of time...</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll Be Needing Stitches

Magnus closed the door behind him with a very loud bang, annoyance seeping out of his expression. He took off his sequin-covered scarf and threw it in the air, the strip of fabric almost magically landing on the coat stand with a muffled 'poof'.

"I swear to God, I'm dying for this stupid decade to pass", Magnus started grumbling out loud, knowing that somewhere in the house Alexander would be able to hear him. "I know I used to complain about how people _really_ needed to start appreciating the potential of glitter and sequins in complements, but you know what? I take it back! I regret ever having said that! I'm sick of walking down the street and feeling like just another copycat with no personality, desperate to fit in! Hell's sake, _I started this trend_ , I should NOT be feeling like one of those pathetic clonal dummies! Glitter and bling are _my_ thing!"

He sighed, and was about to continue ranting when he realized he was getting no answer. Maybe Alexander had gone out and he was screaming like a madman at an empty house, after all.

_Anyway, you know how this goes, Magnus. Ten more years, tops, and this whole fashion fever will have passed. You'll be able to proudly dress like yourself again, without being accused of having fallen into the mainstream._

He crossed the living room, which was indeed empty, and took a quick look at the kitchen —also empty. He frowned. He didn't really have his hopes up that he would find Alexander in the bedroom, not at this time of the day. The Shadowhunter was not one for sleep-ins, especially when it was past 2 in the afternoon, so chances were he was running some errand or some mission had come up while he was out himself.

But, just in case, he headed for the master bedroom. He needed to take a bath anyway, and the huge bathtub from their own bathroom was the best example of how deep into self-indulgence he was capable of falling.

His hand settled on the doorknob, and he stood there for a brief second. He suddenly felt his gut clenching and the most somber feeling crept upon him. For a good thirty seconds, His brain stopped completely, feeling exactly like when someone punches you in the chest and the air leaves your lungs and you can't move for a while, as if the whole world is on stand-by while you try to catch your breath again.

Then his mind started racing, and almost against his will, he started doing something he had been postponing for so long, maybe for too long. He started to count, backwards. Silently, his lips brushed against one another as he thought, rather than whispered, number after number. And when he reached zero, it felt like the weight of the universe fell onto him all at once, no forewarning. It felt like the final pound of a gavel, a sentence being simultaneously issued and enacted. Like he had found a bomb hidden in his house on the same second that it was bound to go off.

He snapped back into reality, grasped the doorknob with so much strength that it gave an ugly squeak, and jerked the door open, his body going rigid as he took in the scene before him. He stood arrested on the threshold, as if he had just been faced with something that ultimately didn't make sense, like that paradox about the unstoppable force and the immovable object happening right before his eyes.

Later he would realize he could barely remember anything from those few seconds, barely anything besides a rune-scarred hand hanging limply over the edge of the bed.

 

* * *

 

Alec quirked an eyebrow, skeptical.

"You still remember you promised me, no more using me as a guinea pig for any spells contained within the Book of the White, right? Or" he added hastily, "any other spellbook, really. I just don't want to relive the whole 'being turned into a seagull' thing. Ever."

Magnus huffed a laugh, setting the open book on the middle of the table.

"That only happened because you wouldn't stop moving and you recited the wrong word like, three times. If so, you're the least cooperative guinea pig I've ever had."

"That's what I'm saying! I'm your boyfriend, not your guinea pig, by the Angel! And also, I was drunk back then. Isn't there a law about giving consent for having magical tricks performed on you when you're intoxicated? I feel like there should be one."

He tried to shoot Magnus a resentful look, but the regret he saw in his eyes —even if it was disguised as mockery— made it impossible. He remembered the panic leaving the Warlock's face once he had managed to return Alec to his human form, remembered the tightness of his embrace, his whispered "I'm sorry, I really am. I should not have let this happen. I'm sorry, please, Alexander. Are you alright? Please tell me you're alright", as he kept touching and kissing every inch of his face. He also remembered Magnus being extra-nice on the weeks to follow, trying to earn a forgiveness he didn't realize he already had.

After a few seconds of silence, in which they shared one of those meaningful looks that rendered words completely unnecessary, Magnus waved a hand, half in dismissal, half in an attempt to steer away from the guilt of that memory.

Then, he called for Alec's attention by pointing a manicured finger to a specific section in the book.

"This is what I wanted to talk about" he said, and it was obvious from the seriousness in his eyes that this was not just a whim to fulfill yet another of his magical, academic or even morbid interests.

Alec bent over the page, trying to make sense of the inscriptions and foreign words written on it. "What exactly am I looking at?" he asked cautiously.

Magnus locked gazes with him.

"Now, I know that we've been over this before. And I know how many nights one of us, or both, haven't been able to sleep because we just couldn't shake this from our heads. And that we're nowhere closer to finding a solution than we were the first time we started looking for it."

Alec knew all too well where Magnus was headed with this, and sighed.

"You're talking about my mortality." It wasn't a question. The warlock nodded, a streak of hair falling over his eyes. He tugged it behind his ear impatiently.

"Yes. Don't" he put a finger on Alec's lips just as the Shadowhunter opened his mouth, probably to repeat the never-ending mantra he seemed so fond of: _People die, Magnus. It's part of life, humans are meant to be mortal and we, you and I, need to learn to accept that and deal with it._

At some point, it had become his go-to answer whenever the topic arose. It was painfully obvious, to Magnus, that settling for a 'some things are inevitable' attitude probably made it all more tolerable for Alec. After all, being sure of the inevitability of death spared him from having to actively try to seek a way to beat it in his own tug of war, and from having to learn to cope with the frustration of one failed attempt after the other.

"I'm not saying I found a way around that. I haven't. Not yet" Magnus added.

Unlike Alexander, he refused to give up and let this go. If there was something he'd ever been willing to fight for, it was this. He knew himself, knew the kind of man he was, and he wasn't about to just surrender on the most important thing he'd held dear in his entire existence.

"Then what is this about?" Alec seemed confused, as if he was staring at a halfway-made puzzle and he couldn't quite make sense of the final picture without the missing pieces.

"I might not have come across a 'cure' for mortality yet, but I think I found the next best thing, so to speak." At Alexander's inquisitive look, Magnus started to roughly translate what the book said. "This here is a spell that fights off the effects of aging. It's very powerful. From what the description says, it's almost as if it completely... turns off the aging process."

Alec stared at him.

"So, it wouldn't make me immortal, it would just keep me... young?" he ventured.

Magnus nodded. "I know it's not a permanent solution —hell, I don't consider it to be a solution at all, but it could be a temporary fix-it while I keep working on something that will have an actual impact in the long run."

All of a sudden, Alec seemed to fall deep into thought. Magnus looked at him anxiously. He didn't want this boyfriend to feel like something that had to be fixed. That was not what he meant, not at all, but he couldn't bear to keep letting time slip away without doing something about it, _anything_.

After what seemed, ironically, an eternity, Alec spoke.

"But I would have the same lifespan, right? So the only thing that would change is that I wouldn't get old." He paused, and Magnus waited for him to get to the point. "I mean, not that the concept of looking like I'm on my twenties until the day I die isn't _thrilling_ , but... Why do you want to try this? Is it because...?"

_Is it because you think you won't love me anymore when I start getting wrinkles, when my hair turns gray, when I grow tired and slower?_

"Alexander" Magnus rose and grabbed Alec's hand, intertwining their fingers. "I know what you're thinking and trust me, that's. Not. It."

He used his free hand to close the book with a loud thud and made his way around the table, stopping right in front of Alec. "I love you. And that's not going to change. I don't care if you start looking your age, because _that’_ s the way it's supposed to be. It's me who's the oddity, not you. It's me whose existence is unnatural." He didn't let Alec contradict him on that, much as the Shadowhunter seemed to want to protest. "I'm perfectly fine with nature following its course, and I am able to see the beauty in it, one's body reflecting one's struggles and maturity. That's how it should be. And it's not going to make me love you any less. But at the same time, I've seen your face whenever someone mentions any of this. And you can try to hide it or deny it, but I know that it's been making you restless and insecure for a long time now. And I don't want you to feel like that. Not if I can help it."

"I'm not anxious about growing old" Alec finally confessed. "I'm anxious about being the _only one_ growing old. There's already so many people commenting on that. People who think I don't deserve to be with you, that I'm not worthy, because I won't look good next to you in 20, 30, 40 years. Even if I'm barely and adult now. It's going to be so hard for both of us in a few decades. Just being together in public... People will judge us. You, especially. I can already imagine the accusations against you, of taking over my life and depriving me of a normal 'human experience', or relationship, or family, or whatever they come up with. Because I know they couldn't be farther from the truth, but I don't want that weight pinned on you either way. Being with you is my choice and I would make it over and over again. I don't care if no one else understands it, but if there’s someone it shouldn’t make unhappy, it’s you."

Magnus felt tears stinging at the back of his eyes and swallowed, hard. He had known about Alec's fears where aging was concerned, but he hadn't been aware that he was also thinking of him when he considered the whole issue. He was more moved than he expected, he realized, his chest rising and falling with emotion. Wordlessly, he grabbed Alec by the shoulders and pressed a kiss against his lips, trying to convey into it everything he was feeling. Love, gratefulness, hope, devotion.

Alec kissed him back, his feelings mirroring Magnus', and he parted the warlock's lips, tongue darting out, exploring his mouth painfully slowly, with dedication and the utmost care in every flick of it. When Magnus felt his breath starting to become shallow, he stepped back, just a little bit, so little, in fact, that their breaths kept mingling with one another. He didn't want to get carried away right now. Unless Alec said otherwise, he intended to reach a decision about this before moving on to more... pleasing matters.

"So, does that mean...?" Magnus had to struggle to formulate the question.

Alec gave him a peck on the lips, slow and loving and measured.

"Yes. I want to do this. Like you said, it's like putting a Band-Aid on a wound that needs stitches, but it feels like a step in the right direction. And, well", he said, not unconceited, "I wouldn't mind looking this good for a long, long time."

Magnus smiled, realizing that Alexander was only half-joking. He placed a hand on his boyfriend's abdomen, feeling the muscles tense and then relax under his fingers, which were starting to glow, blue sparks of anticipation pouring out of his fingertips.

"To be honest, neither would I", And, having set that aside, he leaned in to kiss Alexander again, and this time it tasted more like a promise, like renewed hope, rather than the desperation and uncertainty that had been eating at them both from the inside for too long.

 

* * *

 

Too long.

Magnus' fingers, stilled mid-air, trembled. He remembered what he had managed to say to Alexander right before they had gotten lost in each other that night, now so far away in a sea of thousands of other nights.

"This doesn't mean I will stop looking for a way. I'll always look for a way. I'll never stop fighting for us to be together forever. Just so you know. This spell might make it easier, more bearable, but I'll keep trying, until we run out of time."

And he had. He had spent every day, every week, every month, year, decade, following any leads, meeting up with the most influential people in the warlock society. He had summoned demons. Had made deals with very questionable individuals. Had done things he wouldn't dare to mention. But it would all be worth it someday, he kept telling himself, when he actually found the one thing that he'd have given anything to have. A way to keep Alexander by his side forever. A way to never have to say goodbye.

And he had become so obsessed with it, so focused on it, that he hadn't realized time was passing by, much faster than he could have predicted, than he was willing to admit. But Alec wasn't getting any older, so it was easy to pretend that things were not as urgent, or the situation as dire, as it was. It was easy to ignore— to pretend—

But if immortality had taught Magnus something, it was that time always catches up with you, in the end.

And that day, they had run out of time.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I welcome any kind of constructive criticism and please, if you see any grammar mistakes, let me know! Being a non-native speaker makes them harder to spot! :)


End file.
